Jumat, Juni 29, 2012

Kuukyo no Heya by MUCC



In my dark room, I sing a lullaby - I'll say good night now
Gulping down some sleeping powder, I'm off to dreams

In the sweltering night, I look for the phone that never rings with my nails cut to the quick
And it collapses into a sensory illusion that's of no use to anyone

From the small window of this room,
All I ever do is gaze at saints marching
The sun of life never illuminates this room of mine

Losing the proof of my existence, I keep on falling
Swallowing back the paranoia that's accelerating
My marble eyeballs refract this world and reflect it distortedly
My heart raided by a sorrowful, pathological loneliness

A world with nothing, an empty world sinking into depression
Clinging to the pure white walls, shadows laughed

In the obscure loneliness
Someone, call my name
This existence of mine
This existence of mine

A world with nothing, an empty world sinking into depression
Clinging to the pitch black room, he screams

The proof of existence Someone, [call] my name
The proof of existence [Show me] the meaning of life

Courage is...

courage |kʌrɪdʒ|
noun
The ability to do something that frightens one; bravery
Strength in the face of pain or grief

Every day I try hard to discover 
what kind of person I am, 
what thing I best at, 
what thing I can’t do, 

but most of all 
what I want to do in the future 

Each day I ask myself, 
forcing my brain to find an answer, 
to seek a truth 
from myself, 
for myself

I always think 
each people must have different skill, 
passion, 
and power of will

Courage, 
the thing I most need now 

There are so many things I always want to do 
but I couldn’t; 
because I don’t have any courage 

I don’t have that much confidence to do anything, 
even things that I love to do 
I can’t take it to see people 
who are better than me, 
I discouraged

I have so many dreams to pursue 
yet my heart reject to do anything 
that could make me closer to my purpose 

I feel lost 

I feel miserable 

So I’m just regretting myself, 
how I wish to be a better me

Every time I pray to Allah, 
I always wish to make my parents happy 
But with my condition, 
will I ever surpassing this mountain of doubt?

Confession of a Doubtful Soul



I’m not a special girl
I’m not smart or kind 
For me there’s nothing I can be proud of 

NOTHING

There are so many things I want to do, 
many things I want to learn 
but the foolish me is unable to do anything;
 unwilling maybe is more appropriate

There are too many people 
I want to please
I know that’s not right 
but seeing how people are happy because of me,
 make me happy too

 I just want to give my best 
in something that I love to do 
But in the end, 
I’m just lying, 
being selfish 
and 
disappointing many people who expect more. 
 
Because I always do anything halfheartedly 

The fact is I’m too afraid of pain
 So I holding back to do something that might hurt myself
 So I keep being silent
 So I keep pretending to please everyone 
 
I never thinking that I will be someone power, 
someone precious person
 I probably let them hurt because of me; 
waiting for my acceptance 
while I’m busy to cover up myself 
under my own way of thinking 

I’m slowly hiding inside my pile-up lies that I make every single day 

I hate myself 
I hate myself for being this cruel; 
to people and even to myself

I hate myself that pretend to be a good person 
I hate myself for being this stupid, 
this unworthy

In the end, 
I just want myself to disappear from this world 
Even when I know there will be not much difference, 
even when I know my death will be in vain

Rabu, Juni 13, 2012

P R A Y E R

Everything started from so much happiness last month...
I happily watched my favorite band’s concert,
I’ve got my merchandises,
dad bought me a new phone,






and my birthday...





I was too happy until I forgot to thank Allah for everything... 
I’m so ungrateful, 





 
so Allah gives me tests...





My dad is sick, 
my friend avoids me, 
my relationship with my ex-boyfriend gets worst, 
my assignment neglected...




I know 
I should be more grateful to what Allah given to me...






But please...




I just wish that my dad won’t leave me,
I just wish he could laugh with me like usual, 
I just wish he could stroke my hair again...






Ya Allah, 
please listen to my prayer...