Confession of a Doubtful Soul

I’m not a special girl

I’m not smart or kind 

For me there’s nothing I can be proud of 

NOTHING

There are so many things I want to do, 

many things I want to learn 

but the foolish me is unable to do anything;

 unwilling maybe is more appropriate

There are too many people 

I want to please

I know that’s not right 

but seeing how people are happy because of me,

 make me happy too

 I just want to give my best 

in something that I love to do 

But in the end, 

I’m just lying, 

being selfish 

and 

disappointing many people who expect more. 

 

Because I always do anything halfheartedly 

The fact is I’m too afraid of pain

 So I holding back to do something that might hurt myself

 So I keep being silent

 So I keep pretending to please everyone 

 

I never thinking that I will be someone power, 

someone precious person

 I probably let them hurt because of me; 

waiting for my acceptance 

while I’m busy to cover up myself 

under my own way of thinking 

I’m slowly hiding inside my pile-up lies that I make every single day 

I hate myself 

I hate myself for being this cruel; 

to people and even to myself

I hate myself that pretend to be a good person 

I hate myself for being this stupid, 

this unworthy

In the end, 

I just want myself to disappear from this world 

Even when I know there will be not much difference, 

even when I know my death will be in vain